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My thoughts Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-25 12:48 I was going to stop my comm on this board for the most part. I came accross this quote of Ron's and I decided not to. "The area you can determine or influence is directly regulated by the amount of communication you have into that area no matter how painful it may be to you. The answer is more communication, not less." (9th ACC, 27 Dec 54 lecture) I can't promise I will not get upset. I am at the bottom of the bridge. Not the absolute bottom but that is where I set. I grew up under severe suppression. I have had a lot of auditing and it has helped my awareness. To the point I found the truth about the church. I have church case which was more suppression on my lines. I work to handle my upsets. I found If I work to keep entheta out of my comm and to say nothing so I don't upset anyone I get even more upset and I go down town farther. I found once I spoke up I felt a lot better. I want to be an auditor and I want to be OT. I have been on the forum long enough for people to know this. I am no agent for anyone but me. And Maybe for WALMart who wants to take over the world. 
I have been told I am OT. I have noticed I some thoughts of mine come to be. I am for Standard tech. I don't know what they other tech - whatever they are. I value Virginia for she fought for what is right. I don't think she should have asked me what she did on the other thread. Just because I talk to people don't mean I will follow what they say. I will take the right path. I am one who don't see though things right now. I know auditing works for I demonstrated an ability that is OT. I think that is why I was put out of the church in the end. I don't know that for a fact now. I am deadfiled and I have written and mailed my repayment letter. Even if I did go back my local org is in trouble. They city wants to take it for a parking lot. So There my be no org here anyways. They don't make OT's anyways. IT doesn't matter for what I read on the crime of the church I will not support such things. I believe it - for how I was treated in the church backs it up. I will not ever be treated that way again by anyone. So I can't promise no upsets but I promise you get me and what I think from now on. I don't like my cut comm with Rudy. He at least could have said something like bye, busy or something. That is not good PR for Ron's org to do that. I finially did get a comm from the org and I understand how they are now. I didn't. I wrote Vast here on another thread taht I wanted to do something for my next step. I didn't get a reply. I had to go to the web site and I finally got a reply from the C/S. I thought I had no bridge. IT doesn't matter for I will keep my integrity in so no church. Even if I have no bridge. Keeping quiet don't work for me. It don't work at all. I pay the price of it. I am tired of paying the price of no comm. So be aware just disappearing don't do anyone any good. At least say bye. So be patient with the case part of me. I don't like it any more than anyone else. Also one other thing ticks me to no end. That is when I do have case and I am ignored I hate that. A theta comm that may be of help would be nice. Just plain ignoring is not good. It is a unfinished cycle of comm. Out ARC. I value theta comm. Even if I am upset I can see the truth of the matter. So Please don't ignore any comm from me. The church has done this and I hated it the most. I am finding it here too. You can respond if you wish to. That is freedom of speech. I want what is right and good in this world. I find that can be my undoing too. The 1.1 people use that against a person. I get hit by that too much. I don't like what I see in the freezone. I like the theta here too. I see this group is being torn up on purpose to get people like me to quit. I feel like quitting when I run across the entheta. I am not perfect and I will never be. I have my write up to finish. I will give it to Paul and Virgina. I will send it to Rudy. I may let them put it on the sites to help others. I want to join the fight for the reformation of the church but as I read the best I can do is what I am doing. That is to get my money back and not to give them another dime. I think I said all of what I wanted to. _________________ Destroy Suppression Be Free Be Well Kheinsa [ This Message was edited by: Kheinsa on 2001-11-25 12:51 ] Author: virginia Posted: 2001-11-25 13:38 Kheinsa, Just noticed your post, and wanted to say that I wish you success in getting your money back, and very good on not flowing any further power (money) to the taken over church! Virginia Author: curious about ... Posted: 2001-11-25 16:12 Kheinsa I would like to acknowledge you for your decision to keep communicating. AS LRH stated "When in doubt, Communicate". Rudy posted somewhere else that his computer would not work on this website and had to use Vasts system for a quick post. Don't take it personal. Keep on studying. Be Well Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-25 23:34
Thank you. I am still reading the site. I found a lot of it elsewhere but I am finding more here and it is put together in order. I WILL NOT HELP SUCH PEOPLE HURT OTHERS. The more I read the more certain I became. I am not fast on the uptake but I get it done. It is a process to accept what is. I feel better saying what I think as you see my tone has risen since I have. I have a plan of letters to the church. I am not use to fighting like this. I as most of you know that I work at Walmart. I make a whole lot of nothing for pay. I worked for that money and it is mine. It was me and family who went to the football stadium to collect cans for the refunds to get me trained. That money on account is mine. It is not to be used to make people rich or to hurt others. I will not help those who hurt others. I now realise I also picked up a problem in communication at ASHO too. Another thing my auditor didn't handle in me. . I stop my comm so I won't upset others. So my comm will not be cut with them. So I get upset. Now do you get the idea now why. I have a long way to go and maybe not as long as I think. Once I get the comm thing licked it will be better. Suppression deals with comm - the lack of or punishment for doing so. I have a big mouth and I don't believe in being quiet so much. Sometimes it is good to be sometimes not. I am still reading the time track. A long time read for me. I have trouble following all the twists and turns but what I need to know is there. I will read the rest of the site again too. Then my next task is to complete my write up. Thank you for your reply Virginia. Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-25 23:53
Thank you. I was in high doubt of everything from people wanting to talk to me to not getting up the bridge. Since a person from Ron's org did respond to me recently I am less worried about it now. I know his computer don't like this site neither does mine. I have to use a separate browser to post here and even with it it is jittery but far better to type. At least I don't want to pound the keyboard using this way. Tell him to try it. My friend who knows a lot of computers told me. The software don't like each other and it could be the boards site. I have no problem elsewhere. It is awlful to type with my regular ISP. I run a windows browser and it works far better and I am on my ISP. I didn't have a problem with the old forum either. It isn't that he didn't post here either. I had comm line with him and it went to blank air. That had nothing to do with this forum. I know he is busy and he could have said so. I don't take to a person I consider a friend to disappear. Maybe it is my case but I think it has to do with ARC. Also in Ron's org it has to do with PR too. I understand he was busy but I felt that it was like the incident of ASHO. Where my comm lines were cut. I thought my case which I work to control was cause. See one thing I Learned at ASHO is an auditor or anyone who helps others have a larger responsibility that most think. I also have responsiblity for me. For what I do. I know as an auditor I will have an effect on other lives whether it is good or bad it is my effect. I am responsible for my actions. I know now why is that they are more tech oriented instead of admin. I still think a note somehow to the forum where the org is promoted would have been of help. I should not had to ask. The forum would inform all who have a computer. So not more than one post was needed. I know like walmart we have too many irons to handle and some just don't get done. I have asked what I should do next to get up the bridge. I am tired of the ups and downs. MOst I cause by my comm problems. So I don't have much else to say now. Believe it or not. I said most of what I wanted to so far. Thanks for your reply. Author: virginia Posted: 2001-11-26 00:10 Curious about, Are you up to confronting correcting your Black PR yet? Virginia Author: curious about ... Posted: 2001-11-26 01:53 Kheinsa No matter what is going on with Rudy or anyone else, You need to get on with it. We have talked about this before. Find a friend and sit on a park bench and run Dianetics on each other. Sit in a coffee shop and run Self Analysis. Read and apply the concepts in Introduction to Scientology Ethics. The original concept, which has been all but squashed by the Cof$, was to audit each other up the bridge as you learn and gain abilities. The Academy levels have been all over the web. LRH himself could not ?make? an OT. The person has to be there willing to confront and communicate about his case. No one else can wave a magic OT wand and make it happen. It is a long path over the bridge but you gain knowledge and ability as you travel. Like LRH said the tech can take you places where nothing can strike you down. (or something like that) There is no instant fix no matter what the medicos and implanters may tell you. It all takes work. Hope this works. Be Well 1 Flew Over, Curious About... & The Virtual Sexy Freezone Babe Author: virginia Posted: 2001-11-26 02:14 Curious about, I guess not... Virginia Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-26 14:20
I get what you are saying. Actually I am in the process of replacing my altered books. By the way anyone wants to buy the altered state of man tapes. 
There is no one I know that will run Dianetics on me. Now I can do Self-analyis. I just happen to not like it much and never have. It always falls flat on me in session. How do I know I tried it. The first time they accepted it that I had no interest. The second time not too long ago I went along with it. The session went off the rails. I can try the lists again. I said I would do so. I still don't like them. The best thing for me is to do the ethic book conditions. I want to be a classed auditor and I have to co-audit up the bridge. I have made my choice of how to. I stick to that. No matter what anyone says I found I run better in a metered session. Now yes, I can be doing more. I am finishing up with my big huge reading project. It may take some a short time to be certain. I am not them. I want to finish my write up too. I am no longer on the net near as much as I use to be. So the ethic conditions is the best place to start. I am working to handle a personal problem with diet. That is going to be used there. I have to use the altered book for that. I am willing to confront and talk about my case to an auditor. Maybe I have a false idea that you don't throw people out. I see most other people believe in it. There is a line you have to watch for self protection. I will do what I have to. I will even give a TAssit or two. I do use the tech but I have to expand on that. Now where did I put my blinders. Oh yeah DM has them and he wants me to put them back on. 
Author: curious about ... Posted: 2001-11-26 16:12 Kheinsa I appreciate your willingness to communicate. We all do better in a metered session. But there is still much gain in the solo or "coffee shop" style of auditing. Keep on Keeping on. Be Well Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-26 23:09 Wow I forgot to use my on browser so forgive the tping here. It sucks. I know coffee shop auditing has value some auditing is better than none. I think I will sell my altered stuff. I need the money more than I need it. Author: virginia Posted: 2001-11-27 02:42 Kheinsa, Re: selling your stuff, I would suggest you might want to keep it, it's great for comparisons on what has been altered, when you get the original stuff. Virginia Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-27 12:24
I already had that thought. I have a plan for the future to get some truth to a couple of OLD friends if You know what I mean. But the tapes I have is altered. I didn't listen to one set once I found the truth out. They are the State of Man. OT whatever the name is. I am in comm with my new c/s and she tells me that I don't have to do the lists, I don't think I would have anyways. About the books I was going to keep most of them anyways. It is just this fact alone is why I was thinking of selling. I work hard for my money. I don't get a lot of it. I rather have it. Maybe one day you will assist me in a list of the changes in all the books I have to do my project freedom. It is best not to speak of it now anyways. It is not time. Author: curious about ... Posted: 2001-11-27 16:14 Kheinsa There are electronic versions of the origional, unaltered books that have been at different places on the web. I realize that the elecrtonic form is not the same havingness as books are but the unaltered electronically stored form is still available if you just ask around. Be Well Author: virginia Posted: 2001-11-27 16:53 Kheinsa, You can speak of changes to the books, nothing secret there, really! Who's your new C/S, btw? Virginia Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-28 00:59 I know I can talk of the changes in the books. Well the C/s Isn't really official yet. I said Ron's org and Ron's org it is. I am in comm with the Senior C/s. She told me I didn't have to do the lists. I am working out how to get started on my bridge. I didn't want to talk of other things that I want to do. I may need help to do it. I know this place is read by OSA and it is best not to say all. I have read most of the timeline now. I have a bit to go yet. I know understand more of why of what you do and say. It is still hard for me to see it. I figure the tapes are not worth keeping. Since I read thousands of changes are made. I figure all the released tapes are altered too. Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-28 01:03
I have some on my hard drive now. I just haven't got to it yet. I think I have the ethic book on my hard drive which I will use. It is easier carring around a book then my computer. I have something I have to do with it. Conditions and I would like help from a trained person to do it. I will post it. My project I called Freedom is what I am not talking about. It is something that is not time yet for it. I take care of my and start my bridge first. Author: virginia Posted: 2001-11-28 02:36 Kheinsa, Ok, Thanks for filling me in!
Virginia Author: Kheinsa Posted: 2001-11-30 12:57 Well I am feeling a bit better. I did it again. I was thinking of a long time friend for a few days and I came home from work and she had called me. Anyways I am in the process of getting my diet strait. I can't do atkins. I don't recommend it either. ONe can eat only so much meat. Oh yeah we went through our first month of no snow ever here. I am happy. It is in the 60's unheard of here. I didn't want any winter this year and it looks like I get my wish. Well got to run now. I am withen 3 weeks of step two of my repayment plan. Kheinsa Author: misiunas Posted: 2001-11-30 13:20 Hi Kheinsa. Ok, now I know why I'm not getting any snow up here. You're holding it up! I LIKE snow. I guess we'll just have to go back and forth on this all winter long. 
Author: Scipher Posted: 2001-11-30 13:45 Wow, Kheinsa! Are you holding up the cold in Moscow too? Snow melts during the day and turns into ice in the evening. People have to walk like a penguin to stay upright.
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