Is this THE CYBERSPACE COMEDY STORE?
Author: Virginia
Posted: Thur Oct 25 2001 03:05 pm
Well, here's how I see it.
scene....
darkened room, glasses clinking in the background.
A spotlight comes on the stage, and Virginia walks up to the Mike and says.
Good E-V-Ening Ladies and Gentleman, tonight we have the distinct pleasure of offering you the comedy stylings of the one, the only, CITIZEN CAIN!
Turning towards stage left, Virginia leads the audience in a round of applause.
Cain saunters up to the Mike and.......
----
Virginia
Author: CitizenCain
Posted: Thur Oct 25 2001 05:33 pm
Hellooo. Thank you, thank you vury much...
==================
A British explorer ventures into cannibal territory in Africa and is trapped by the savages. They bring him to their village, where they strip him and prepare a big cauldron over the fire to cook him.
As the Brit stands there, close to the cauldron, a big, muscular cannibal approaches, his arms full of onions, carrots, potatoes, beets, etc. Resigned to his fate, the
Brit steps aside to let the cannibal approach the cauldron.
"No, bwana," says the savage. "Turn around. This is for the stuffing."
==================
Cain begins his usual "Thank you, thank you vury much..." acceptance but is rudely interrupted by a whino in the front seat throwing his (now empty) bottle directly at Cain's head.
As Cain begins to dodge the incoming missle, he says into the Mike:
and now, here is the lovely Virginia once again...
Author: Virginia
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 12:13 am
Virginia comes up next to Cain, covers the mike, and talks out of the side of her mouth to Cain, while continuing to smile.
Cain, your spot is TEN minutes, not 3, my next act isn't HERE yet, do something!
Uncovering the mike and signalling to the security guards, (the WINO is swiftly taken back stage where he is given a warm blanket and some soup, and a nice cot to rest in),
Virginia addresses the audience and says "please excuse the disturbance ladies and gentleman" turns to Cain and nods.
Cain sighs, shakes his head, takes a deep breath and grabs the mike, pulls his hand back real quick like, then grabs it again, throws it to the floor, and starts wrestling with it! While talking to it and saying.."what the heck did you think you were doing shocking me like that..why I oughta.."
Cain suddenly looks up at the audience, grins sheepishly and says, pesky electricity, always shocking you when you least expect it. Audience roars with laughter at the skit, Cain smiles, picks up the mike and stands up. Patting down his clothing he says.....
--
Virginia
Author: shogun
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 01:07 am
*giggles*...I like how you have named the mic..."Mike"...
*more giggles*
Author: Virginia
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 03:02 am
Shhhhh over there Shogun, and don't trip over those lighting wires k?
Oh Yeah! Slap head with hand! The Mike! Mike like my husband's name....sheesh! Why didn't I think of that..darn. VERY funny shogun. LOL (but btw?"MIKE" does happen to be the abbreviation for microphone-look it up)
(smile)
Ok now we have to shhhh, don't want Cain's act interrupted AGAIN do we? No we don't.
Virginia
Author: CitizenCain
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 06:37 am
You know, that reminds me of a story I once heard, says Cain into the Mike. It goes like this...
==========================================
Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England and allegedly Scotland) comes to Scotland to hammer the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him.
As he reaches the battlefield, suddenly on the crest of a hill there appears a solitary figure, a little short ginger-haired guy in a kilt. "Hammer of the Scots?" yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. "Come up here, ya English bastards, and I`ll give ye hammer!"
Edward turns to his commander and says, "Take 20 men and deal with that Scottish upstart!"
The commander sends 20 men over the hill to kill the Scot. Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again. "Ye English bastards!" he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I`ll have ye!!!"
Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. "Take 100 men and kill that little guttersnipe!" The commander sends 100 men over the hill to do the job.
Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill again, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a bit torn. "Ye English SCUM!" he yells. "I`m just warming up!!! Come and get me!!!"
Edward loses patience. "Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!" he yells.
The commander gulps, but leads 400 men on horseback over the crest of the hill. Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood, snot and grime, and he yells, "Is that the best ye can do???? You`re bloody WIMMIN!!!! Come on, come and have a go ya bunch of Jessies!!!"
Edward turns to his second in command. "Take 1000 men over that hill and don`t come back till you`ve killed him!" he commands. The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate.
Five minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of the hill. He`s covered in blood and his clothes are all torn. "Your Majesty!!" he yells. "It`s a trap!!! There`s TWO of them!!!"
==========================================
Yup, those were the days says Cain as he gives pause for the audience to respond. Sure enough, there's a response, and lo and behold, right in the front row, there is the whino wildly clapping and looking pleased as punch.
"Yeah!" the whino yells. "Yeah! It's about time we heard something DECENT around here! Yeah!", shaking his fist in the air.
Cain, looking quite pleased with himself, puffs out his chest and in his most manly manner turns to Virginia and wiggles his eyebrows up and down.
Chuckling at the ridiculousness of the dancing eyebrows, Virginia walks onto the stage, smiling at the crowd as Cain firmly grabs the Mike and says "Virginia! What a pleasant surprise!"
The crowd begins to clap even louder.
As Virginia comes close, Cain whispers loudly "I've still GOT 2 minutes left. WHAT are you doing out here?"
Smiling to the crowd, Cain winds his way off stage, running into the stage curtain on the way, pleasing the crowd. Virginia looks sideways at Cain and rolls her eyes.
A hush comes over the audience as they hear Virginia quietly clear her throat. Is this the moment that they've all been waiting for? Will she perform her own, now famous, act?
Author: Virginia
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 01:26 pm
Virginia walks in front of the Mike, sits down on the edge of the stage to be closer to the audience, and looks down at the floor, deep in thought.
She looks up and says, "You know, taking a couple serious minutes here, the story Cain just told, was a powerful story of how ONE, free man, let alone TWO, can take on any number of "free" slaves. I thought I should take a minute to remind all of you out there, of just how important that bit of truth is. A man once said (I'm loosely quoting here) "that there would be no stopping man once you got him started, I'm trying to get him started". (sweeping her gaze slowly over the audience, looking into the eyes of each person there), she then says "What would have happened in this story, if TWO, became THREE, and THREE became FOUR, and so on, and so on? Like a building Wave...." Again she sweeps her gaze across the audience, looking into the eyes of each person.
Standing up again, she brushes off her pants, goes to the Mike, and says, Cain is going to be a tough act to follow, ladies and gentleman, but I would like to introduce our next act, the comedy stylings of the NEW, the IMPROVED, three stooges!
Virginia turns to backstage right, and starts clapping, with the audience joining in, 30 seconds go by, and Virginia turns to the Mike and says to the audience, looks like they are a little shy, let's try that again. LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, INTROOOOODUCING THE NEW, THE IMPROVED, three stooges!!!
Three heads pop around the backstage right curtain, one above the other, causing the audience to roar with laughter, and then..........they disappear.
Virginia looks perplexedly at the backstage right curtain, and says to the audience, Well folks, I guess that's it for tonight's entertainment. Thank you for coming to the cyberspace comedy store, where anything is possible, even *magic*. The lights go out, a big poof is heard, and a puf of smoke winds up, the lights go up again, and....the stage is empty, not even the Mike is there.
The audience gasps, then stands collectively up, clapping wildly in a standing ovation for the night's entertainment. The clapping gradually dies down, and people begin to go about their business, and go home.
Meanwhile backstage, Virginia, holding the Mike, says to Cain, and the other two stooges, Well, I think they liked it...grin.
=========
Virginia
Author: CitizenCain
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 06:04 pm
That was an incredibly PERFECT addition.
...
Author: Virginia
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 06:20 pm
I am glad you know so.
....
Virginia-------A---R--C-----U--->Cain
Virginia
Author: CitizenCain
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 06:44 pm
There's nothing more I can say at the moment, so...
...
Author: Virginia
Posted: Fri Oct 26 2001 06:46 pm
...
Hey, Thank you for that!
Virginia
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